Quarterly roundup
Personal reflections on the year so far.
Can you believe we are done with the first quarter of 2025? It feels like both a year into 2025 and approximately 5 minutes. Here is what we have been reflecting on:
Dr. Kristina
Leading into this much-anticipated hiatus to see my partner in Japan, I found myself working a lot. In a time where so much felt beyond my control, the predictable rhythm and purpose of the emergency department became a source of stability. Knowing that I could show up for my patients with competence and compassion, and that I retained the agency to choose my reactions to the daily surprises of the hospital, provided a powerful anchor in an environment that often felt anything but certain. It also meant I was very tired but this did not solve my poor plane sleeping behavior which meant that I was pure crazy after flying across the world. And even still, I feel like the space time continuum that is the international date line is pure sorcery.
As such, I’m in a new place.
On noodles and why Japan has been the cleanest, most interesting and most overwhelming travel experience:
If I were trying to create a social media sensation, I’d argue that #onlynoods – my newfound love affair with all things noodle (ramen, soba, udon) would be the ultimate bait and switch for anyone expecting some spicy photos. Now that I’m here, I finally understand the hype for the Toto toilet. After being greeted by a toilet that politely opens its own lid and then offers a rather extensive array of cleaning options for your undercarriage, I get it.
I’ve also been doing some compare and contrast between Japan and the United States and there are several things that I’ve found unbelievable. There are really minimal public garbage cans but the least amount of litter I’ve ever seen, especially in urban areas. There is a full embracing of the “pack in, pack out” mentality and everyone adheres to the social contract and keeps it clean. And the level of care and service for everyday things is profound. Despite the language barrier, the care with which I’ve had coffee prepared or treats packaged (with small dividers and an ice pack to ensure their pristine transport) has been warm and genuine, and the coffee and the treats - they are divine.
Mostly though, being here with my partner, doing the normal, everyday stuff has been restorative and a great reminder to keep prioritizing my family. The added bonus is eating all the delicious things, exploring an extraordinary new place and still remaining committed to my less than effective Duolingo Japanese practice even though after 227 days, I still don’t know how to ask where the bathroom is (luckily, it’s pretty obvious).
Holotropic breathwork
I’ve been nurturing my body through noodles and quality time, but also my mind with ongoing reflection on holotropic breathwork (in accordance with the Principles of Holotropic Breathwork by Christina Grof and Stanislav Grof) was something I approached with a healthy dose of skepticism, to put it mildly. As someone who generally raises an eyebrow at anything that might be termed "woo woo," and frankly, who finds the idea of collective vulnerability a bit… daunting, I truly didn't know what to expect from an event I attended last fall. What finally nudged me to participate was the fact that two trusted friends, deeply involved in this community, were the facilitators. The inherent sense of safety I felt in their presence was the deciding factor.
And I must admit, I was surprised. In a rather uncharacteristic move for a doctor who typically dives headfirst into research, I went into the weekend with minimal prior knowledge. What unfolded was an experience that has genuinely sparked my curiosity. It was a gathering of individuals from incredibly diverse backgrounds, a mix of newcomers and seasoned practitioners, all creating a shared space for learning and, quite literally, breathing. Since then, I've found myself delving into the literature on this practice, seriously considering how it might meaningfully integrate into my life.
I’ve been spending some time unpacking and writing about the experience which went from: “Can this possibly work?” to “I think I’m breathing correctly because I’m feeling carpopedal spasm” to finishing a 3 hour session with a really limited sense of time passing. While this was just a dip of the toes into a whole new concept for me, there’s something very appealing about the use of my own breath to create a non-ordinary state of consciousness for self-exploration and growth.
I’d like to carry this curiosity and willingness to engage with something that was initially very uncomfortable for me into the next quarter. It’s was an important experience for me and one that I’d like to continue to build on.
Reading: The Road of Bones by Demi Winters and The Body: A guide for Occupants by Bill Bryson. I’m usually reading two things at once, something for pure escapism and something with a little more heft…however you might define that.
Watching: I can’t stop watching the Netflix Formula One show. It is the same thing every single episode and Formula 1 still represents the pinnacle of capitalism and waste but I can’t stop watching. Please send help. Not recommended to solve Dr. Vicky’s show slump.
Eating: Too many, mostly noodles, some sushi, lemon beef and treats galore.
Dr. Vicky
As this quarter wraps up, I’ve been thinking a lot about vicious and virtuous cycles. Put another way, inertia and momentum. We keep moving or we stay stuck.
I’ve been trying to get some momentum in learning more about breastfeeding. Despite years of medical practice as a pediatrician and NICU doctor, and despite good scientific knowledge about breastmilk, I know very little about the pragmatics of lactation. I’ve been dedicating some time to learn more, and let me tell you: what a trip.
Some of the information is so helpful; reassuring, practical, immediately actionable ways to help families breastfeed easier. Lots of new devices and techniques.
But some of the information (provided by a reputable lactation training company) is straight nonsense. I read it and ask myself if I am high. I text other physicians, and they also fume and sometimes want to flush their phone down the toilet after getting these texts.
And this is just the so-called medical claims that are being made. Then you get the straight up doctor-hating vignettes like “The evil physician wants you to suffer and never breastfeed, not even once, not even one drop, and also for your baby to hate you. Luckily, a saintly lactation consultant has only your best interests at heart. What do they suggest?”
It’s exhausting, the automatic assumption that doctors deserve hatred. I don’t need people to bang on pots to salute healthcare heroes, but I would appreciate a little less of the baked-in assumption that physicians are solely motivated by making a buck. That we are venal and mercenary.
Trust and believe: if I wanted to make money, I would be in finance or tech.
Additionally, trust and believe part 2: my life would be so much easier if I just told patients whatever they wanted to hear, not what the evidence suggests. It would also be easier if I had a supplement to peddle with miraculous claims. Alas.
So despite the hating on doctors, I’m trying to get into a virtuous cycle with lactation. Learn more, use it more on the job, repeat. Get better, get smarter, get more helpful. It’s a journey.
On the personal front, it’s only a vicious cycle. I’m on the longest stretch since 2007 without an animal friend in my house (foster or permanent). This has not improved the old mental health. This has, in fact, been really detrimental to the old mental health. Kitten season just re-started so hopefully I can have some stinky purry buddies soon, but my clinical schedule has been prohibitive and I’m not sure that will change.
In the absence of the best medicine, which is animal bestie, I’ve been trying to rely on my old standbys, yoga and morning pages. And both have lost their appeal. Maybe its the long dark winter, maybe its the overall vibe shift of the world, but I’m having a hard time maintaining habits which I know are crucial for my well-being and which used to be on autopilot.
Where’s all that baloney about it taking x number of days to build a habit and linking habits to other habits? All that pop psychology nonsense (which I like reading, sure, but which tends to take very poor-quality data and balloon that from something that should be a soundbite/blogpost into a New York Times bestseller full of silly pronouncements). Anyway, I’ve logged the requisite number of days and then some. But since my life is not a NYT bestseller full of cherry-picked examples, nor a TikTok before and after video, habits have been unpleasant to maintain.
I hope the next few months bring an ease with yoga and writing, better skills with lactation (very grateful for the pieces by the Lactation College, which are amazing, and Evolve Lactation), and most importantly: animal buddies.
Reading: I read 22 books so far this year. None were that great, though Selling Sexy, Dorothy Parker in Hollywood, Cue the Sun, Ask Not, and The Sequel were pretty good.
Watching: All tv/streaming has failed me. Nothing is holding my interest after Traitors 2. Please recommend something worthwhile.
Eating: a hundred thousand breads. So many breads. Every bread. Only breads.
We will be taking a few weeks off to attend to clinical and personal matters.
Hope you guys are enjoying the warmer weather, and if you can, fostering kittens! Shelters are/will be bursting at the seams in no time. All you need is a quiet corner (or bathroom) to set up a playpen, an ability to check on them, and a tolerance for things getting a bit stinky.
And have you read Nightbitch?
Deadloch on Prime is so worth watching. Social commentary, a lot of women's issues, gender fluid issues, and dealing with some bad and stupid men. It is made in New Zealand, written by women. It is funny and well done. Well acted, well written. I think you would like it. Thanks for all of your articles.